she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
