What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
