I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
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Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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