Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
