You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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