I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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