the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
