Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
