We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
