Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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