so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
