Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
