Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
