Apparently you make a good broom.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
