I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
