She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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