peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
