I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
