Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
