yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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