If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
