at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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