I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
