Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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