Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
