I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
