Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
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Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
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Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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