If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
