Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
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