I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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