p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
