She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
