were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
