You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
