Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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