i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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