Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
