Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
