I just made out with a guy for $7.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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