so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
