Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
