We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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