rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
