You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
