The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
