Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
