Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
