so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
