I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
