The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Found your dick twin last night
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
