"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize