that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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