umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
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We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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