i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
