I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
