We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
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How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
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THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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