the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
