She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
