don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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