I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize