So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
