he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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