How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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