walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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