People in love make me want to vomit
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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