ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
