Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
