dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
