There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
