You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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