the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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