I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
