Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
