I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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