Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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