it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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