some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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