so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
