She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
