Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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