Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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